A year ago today, my Mom was alive, happy and probably bundled up on her couch with comfy jammies watching her favorite show on the TV. The past yr, I have wondered why I didn't call her that night just to chat like we did often. The week before she passed, I felt like we were both pretty busy & didn't get a lot of time to catch up. I remember the day I got the call from my Uncle Rod telling me it didn't look good for my Mom. It was a Thursday, I was driving home from running errands and running around with Elias. I remember that morning reminding myself it was her rotating Thursday to have off and was excited that I would be able to talk with her today. That morning for some reason I got too busy to call her in the morning but knew when Elias went down for a nap, I would give her a call to catch up. Unfortunately, that never happened. 
I thought about what I should say in this post-should I talk about how devastating the next weeks were going to be for me & how she passed-all the pain our family felt etc....but, I don't want to keep those memories alive. All I can say is that it was such an empty feeling. I was real numb. I couldn't believe it b/c it was so sudden.
Looking at these pictures brings back some good memories of my Mom. If you can think of anyone who turned their life around & tried to make it right, it was my Mom. She had a really, really tough childhood. She wasn't taught certain things to make her successful for adulthood & b/c she wasn't taught some of the most important things a child should be shown like love and compassion, she battled with what kind of person she should be....what kind of person she wanted to be. And, after all that suffering she went through, bad choices, lifes ups and downs, she became one of the most admirable people Ive known. The more time goes that I am a Mother myself, the more I can understand a little bit of how she felt when she was a young mother to me and my brother.
My Mom turned her life around & did everything possible to be the best Mom to my brother and I. I am so grateful that she became such a big part of my life. If anyone knows my story well, I didn't have my Mom in my life consistently for about 7 or 8 yrs, but the last 8 yrs of her and me made up tenfold. The last 6 yrs we became extremely close. She supported me in anything I wanted to do. Even when normal mother jitters hit her when I was getting married, she stood by my side. She just wanted me to be happy.
My Mom was in LOVE with her little Elias. She helped me so much in being a better Mother. I would call her and tell her little things he would do and I could tell she was so tickled with him! She loved all 3 of her grandchildren. I remember she would always tell me," just give him a popcicle for dinner Keri." I was being so uptight b/c I thought it would make too much of a mess, but boy, one of the first things she did during her trip down to Phx for his first bday was....give him a popcicle!!!!! She also taught him one of his first words...."HOT". Now, Elias asks me about Grandma in heaven, why she's up there. I am so happy he got a little bit of a chance to know her. It makes me so sad to think that none of my other babies will have her here to spend time with her.
There are so many reasons why I loved/love my Mom so much. I love her for all the things she was not. She wasn't perfect, made off to look that way. She wasn't afraid to speak up, tell me exactly what she thought, even if she had to tell me I was wrong. She wasn't super smiley, sociable or loud and boisturous. But, I loved those things about her. She was so real. Such a hard worker. Watched and kept to herself but very perceptive to others. She was soooo giving. After that tough childhood I talked about, she still was one of the only ones in her family that took care of BOTH of her parents with love until they passed. How hard would that be? To forgive & give to people that didn't do the same for you for most of your life. And then, when her two younger brothers died within 6 months of eachother, within a yr after both her parents died, she kept marching. She kept it together & tried to take care of everyone. She was definetly a fighter. When she had her quadruple bipass, she fought to stay here & take care of us. See what Im saying? She had so many things working against her but she didn't quit.
This past year, I have thought a lot about what has happened. Part of me thinks that maybe when that thing burst in her, she was tired. She was so tired of fighting. That's all she did her whole life. I was really mad at Heavenly Father for taking her away from me and I miss her like crazy...words can't even bring to justice the kind of friend I had in her that Im missing in my life. It's like this hole in my heart. But, part of me knows that he wanted her for bigger reasons. If anyone proved themselves to be able to be given a chance in Heaven, it was her. I have been blessed to have her show up in several of my dreams-Im so grateful for that. Some non believers would say that can't happen, but I have had my Mom talk to me in my dreams. There is not an ounce in me, that doesn't believe it was really her visiting me!
Looking at these pictures brings back some good memories of my Mom. If you can think of anyone who turned their life around & tried to make it right, it was my Mom. She had a really, really tough childhood. She wasn't taught certain things to make her successful for adulthood & b/c she wasn't taught some of the most important things a child should be shown like love and compassion, she battled with what kind of person she should be....what kind of person she wanted to be. And, after all that suffering she went through, bad choices, lifes ups and downs, she became one of the most admirable people Ive known. The more time goes that I am a Mother myself, the more I can understand a little bit of how she felt when she was a young mother to me and my brother.
My Mom turned her life around & did everything possible to be the best Mom to my brother and I. I am so grateful that she became such a big part of my life. If anyone knows my story well, I didn't have my Mom in my life consistently for about 7 or 8 yrs, but the last 8 yrs of her and me made up tenfold. The last 6 yrs we became extremely close. She supported me in anything I wanted to do. Even when normal mother jitters hit her when I was getting married, she stood by my side. She just wanted me to be happy.
My Mom was in LOVE with her little Elias. She helped me so much in being a better Mother. I would call her and tell her little things he would do and I could tell she was so tickled with him! She loved all 3 of her grandchildren. I remember she would always tell me," just give him a popcicle for dinner Keri." I was being so uptight b/c I thought it would make too much of a mess, but boy, one of the first things she did during her trip down to Phx for his first bday was....give him a popcicle!!!!! She also taught him one of his first words...."HOT". Now, Elias asks me about Grandma in heaven, why she's up there. I am so happy he got a little bit of a chance to know her. It makes me so sad to think that none of my other babies will have her here to spend time with her.
There are so many reasons why I loved/love my Mom so much. I love her for all the things she was not. She wasn't perfect, made off to look that way. She wasn't afraid to speak up, tell me exactly what she thought, even if she had to tell me I was wrong. She wasn't super smiley, sociable or loud and boisturous. But, I loved those things about her. She was so real. Such a hard worker. Watched and kept to herself but very perceptive to others. She was soooo giving. After that tough childhood I talked about, she still was one of the only ones in her family that took care of BOTH of her parents with love until they passed. How hard would that be? To forgive & give to people that didn't do the same for you for most of your life. And then, when her two younger brothers died within 6 months of eachother, within a yr after both her parents died, she kept marching. She kept it together & tried to take care of everyone. She was definetly a fighter. When she had her quadruple bipass, she fought to stay here & take care of us. See what Im saying? She had so many things working against her but she didn't quit.
This past year, I have thought a lot about what has happened. Part of me thinks that maybe when that thing burst in her, she was tired. She was so tired of fighting. That's all she did her whole life. I was really mad at Heavenly Father for taking her away from me and I miss her like crazy...words can't even bring to justice the kind of friend I had in her that Im missing in my life. It's like this hole in my heart. But, part of me knows that he wanted her for bigger reasons. If anyone proved themselves to be able to be given a chance in Heaven, it was her. I have been blessed to have her show up in several of my dreams-Im so grateful for that. Some non believers would say that can't happen, but I have had my Mom talk to me in my dreams. There is not an ounce in me, that doesn't believe it was really her visiting me! There is only 1 major thing I wish I could have told her before she left-it's not even that I loved her b/c I said it to her so much that it was imprinted in her!! But, I wish she could really understand the validity of her time here on Earth. That she could see all the people that she really touched & how many miss her. She helped so many people in little steps that became big footprints on our hearts. She never saw how special she was to me. I hope now she has had a chance to see how lost I am without her. But, I know that one day, we will be together again. I am hoping that when it is my time to pass, she will be waiting for me at the gates of heaven with a happy smile.
I love you Mom. You were more important than you ever knew. I miss you, always.
I love you Mom. You were more important than you ever knew. I miss you, always. Love,
Keri
